


(i'm so) tired of love, just wanna go home

by luversd



Series: SuperCorp Adventures [5]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Character Study, Sad, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 23:37:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17907878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luversd/pseuds/luversd
Summary: Kara is tired of love, losing love aka Alex (mindwipe), Winn (went to the 31st century), Lena (lying to her), Krypton, her parents, and she wants to go home, wherever that may be.





	(i'm so) tired of love, just wanna go home

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'i'm so tired...' by Lauv & Troye Sivan
> 
> part of the Supercorp Adventures series, but there's no Supercorp in this one-shot, just Kara thinking about life like one does
> 
> Idk what this is, but I hope you enjoy, drop a comment or a kudos if you do x  
> Also, if someone sees Kara Zor-El Danvers, give her lots of potstickers and hugs!!! 
> 
> The characters belong to the CW and DC Comics.  
> All mistakes are mine.

Fighting a Hellgramite was not part of Kara Danvers' plan to spend a relaxing night in, and if that unexpected occurrence could be excused by her moonlighting as National City's superhero, then wallowing in her own self-pity sure didn't. She was drained from apprehending the culpable alien, and to make things worse, Supergirl had had another standoff with director Danvers before they had gone their separate ways. It killed her to be so distant with her sister, but she couldn't break her stride, not yet, otherwise Alex' mind wipe would've been in vain.

Kara hugged a cushion as she felt her eyes fill with unshed tears at the thought of her loved ones. Landing on Earth and assimilating to this foreign planet's culture while being taught to suppress her Kryptonian heritage had been a hard task to do, but she had managed with the help of her support system. The Danverses had shown her patience and love, and somehow through the years, she had found a home in Alex. But everything had changed when Colonel Haley made it her personal mission to find out Supergirl's secret identity and forced the oldest Danvers sibling to erase her connection to the hero. Even though Alex still loved her dearly, Kara knew the love was different. It was apparent in their conversations, in their contrasting point of views regarding aliens living on Earth, in the way her sister treated her like a fragile human and not an indestructible Kryptonian. Her interactions with Alex were simultaneously painful and joyful, and although her sister was still alive and kicking, Kara felt like she had lost something precious and sacred the moment the other woman had lost her memories with Supergirl.

If Winn Schott had been here, Kara Danvers knew she could've counted on him to take her mind off of life. Unfortunately, he had journeyed off to the 31st century to fulfil his destiny, whatever that may be. So, the blonde reporter had lost not one, but two of her best friends in the span of twelve months.

On her more hopeful nights, Kara would remind herself of Lena Luthor's friendship. The L-Corp CEO had built high walls around her heart, but had found a way to let her in. The Luthor's relationship with Supergirl was rocky, but it was on the mend, at least that's what the alien liked to think. Kara Danvers, however, was doing an amazing job at climbing to the top of Lena's list of favourite people. Yet, there was a secret between them, like a river without a bridge to cross over it, and she wanted to tell her, she really did, but could her confession be justified by her desire? If she had acted to her heart's content all these years, then she wouldn't be here right now, a beacon of hope and peace with a secret identity to crawl back to after long days of fighting. Just a month ago, Kara would've gone to her sister for some sage advice about how to handle this, but now with her number one supporter out of commission, there weren't many people she could consult. She had many reasons not to reveal her identity to the Luthor, logically speaking. For one, not knowing  kept Lena safe, to some degree. The Luthor, and all of her friends and family, was susceptible to torture by anyone who wished to know the Super's secret identity and that was a risk she had to consider wisely in her decision making. Of course, Kara would never put anyone in harm's way on purpose and that included not disclosing her alter ego to some of the most important people in her life. Secondly, although perhaps a little selfishly, the Kryptonian enjoyed Lena's ignorance about her alien roots. When she was in the other woman's company, she didn't feel the pressure of the world resting on her shoulders, she could just _be_. Kara Danvers wasn't being looked up to by millions of people. Kara Danvers didn't have to constantly worry about every fragile human life in the city. No, Kara Danvers could eat as much pizza and potstickers as she liked while her stomach ached from laughing too hard at something her best friend had said. She liked the simplicity of being a mere human being, the idea of fitting in was incredibly appealing, however temporary the feeling may be. On the flip side, she knew the likelihood that this classified piece of information would come between them grew with every passing day she held her tongue.

The blonde groaned in the soft fabric as she let herself fall sideways into the sofa. She looked up and sighed deeply. She was going in circles, she knew this, she had gone down this path far too many times before to not know the outcome, yet she couldn't stop her thoughts from heading that way for lack of distractions that could keep her mind from wandering. Kara stared at the ceiling, using her X-ray vision to note the stars in the night sky. If she focused hard enough, she could see Rao's light shining, a tiny speck in the vast universe. Another reminder of a love that had gone off-course.

Kara was aware that remnants of Krypton were still out there, namely Argo City. Her mother and her friends were alive and well, that was more than she could've ever hoped for. But as much as she had wanted to be able to call her childhood house her home again, something didn't feel right. She barely recognised the people she grew up with, they weren't total strangers, but the time apart had caused a barrier between them. She had gotten used to Earth's colourful environment and it's yellow sun. The sense of duty that had come with becoming Supergirl had become a part of her, and she knew she would never be capable of giving up her powers, not if she had any say in it. The Kryptonian was having trouble finding her place in her old culture, and she wondered what that left her with.

Kara Zor-El was tired. Despite her tumultuous past and traumatic experiences, she was an optimistic person. And she figured there had to be a silver lining somewhere in all the shit that kept happening, but she was mentally so tired of having to look for it each time. Would there ever be a love that was unconditional and that stayed for good? Was it too much to ask for just one person she could count on for worse or for better without having them depart to another century, have their mind wiped or live light years away?

The hero closed her eyes and took a deep breath before stepping off this train of thought. Spiralling and wallowing in self pity wouldn't make things better so instead she let herself drown in the happy memories her brain conjured of Alex and Lena and Winn and her glorious childhood days on Krypton. For a moment, she felt at home and as the flashbacks filled her mind, Kara drifted off to sleep on the couch in her living room.

 


End file.
